Cyclone Bypasses Mumbai, Stops in Pune for Chai

Cyclone Phyan, which had been threatening parts of Western India is learned to have harmlessly walked (err, flown) past Mumbai. According to witnesses, the credit goes to meteorologist Kuttappan Thackery who stood on top of the Bandra-Worli Sea Link with signal flags. On spotting the advancing cyclone, Kuttappan frantically waved at it and lured it away with promises of a holiday for two in Kerala.

Now that the crisis has been averted, one asks the question that is on everyone's mind. What exactly did Phyan want? Why did it threaten Western India? Apparently, the answers lie in the cyclone's past. Phyan, who was born in the tropical waters of the Arabian Sea, seems to have had a violent childhood. Though his birth was peaceful, his formative years saw waves of frustration mounting on him. A sea of trouble saw him getting expelled from a school (of fish) and from then, things were never really the same.

Phyan decided that he needed a change in his present state (from liquid to solid) and decided to move inland for a brief sabbatical. When the realization dawned on him that property prices were astronomical in Mumbai, he decided to hold the city to ransom. He flew into a rage and demanded housing on Nariman Point. When the demands were not met, he stormed out of all negotiations and threatened Gujarat and Maharashtra. Had it not been for Kuttappan, one wonders what the carnage may have been.

When last seen, Phyan was on the way to Kerala and had stopped in Pune for a quick bite and chai. This humble reporter gathered all his courage, walked up to Phyan, addressed him respectfully as Mr. Phayan Ji and asked him what his future plans might be. Phyan responded by putting his arm around this reporter's shoulder, patting him on the back and saying 'call me Manikandan' in a mallu accent.