Stinky Stinky Shoes and the Rent Seeking Demon

Oh how I hate them, those rent seeking demons; those vile and servile creatures; now fawning, now patronizing; ever following, ever alluring. They, those auto drivers. I HATE THEM! I hate them for many things. I hate them for they made my shoes stink. And for that, I shall never forgive them.

Yesterday, I was the proud owner of a pair of Nike shoes; they were my friends, faithful and just to me. (yet, Brutus says they were ambitious) Today, they stink. And not just your average rotten egg / dead animal kind of stink. When I say stink, this is the worst kind of stink imaginable. Think of the stinkiest stink to ever assail your olfactory senses. Quick, think of it. Got it? This stinks worse than that. This is the stink to end all stinks. Stink of.. I mean think of Deepika Padukone’s acting. This stinks worse than that. And who is to blame? The auto driver.

One day, one day I shall have my vengeance. And I shall do so by giving him a taste of his own medicine. I shall kidnap him, I shall strand him on a deserted road. And then, I shall drive up in his own auto and make him pay meter + return. But till then, there is naught I can do but chronicle my misadventure. That unfortunate run in with the rent seeking demon that ended in my shoes stinking. That incident that I now refer to as:

Stinky stinky shoes and the rent seeking demon

The streets were flooded, the gutters were flowing
The rent seeking demon spotted his chance
He sidled up to me with countenance smiling,
He offered to shake my hands

Come into my auto, said the driver to his ride
Tis the smoothest auto, the cheapest, he lied
I knew his kind, I hated them so
Yet the water was high so I asked evlo?

Evlo is of course Tam for how much
And this is what I needed to know
For Autos in Chennai are known to be such
That take you for rides that end in woe

Night rate sir, plus rain rate too
All this, yes, especially for you
Only three times sir, of normal charge
No problem for you,’ cos your wallet is large

What sayst thou, of my wallet?
See’st thou the size of it?
Indeed yes, tis big as a mallet
And upon thy head, it shall hit

But you are sir, from a family big
And poor me, I live as a pig
Spare thy change, for I might eat
For the first time in months, a little meat

If thy charge is such, thou non vegetarian
Then indeed I shall prefer to walk
For I am not frightened by this little rian*
And from these floods, I shalt not balk

And thus it was I shunned that rascal
That rent seeking demon who would ruin my fiscal
And thus it was I began to trudge
Through knee deep fluids, that sewer sludge

For hours it seemed, I seemed to fight
The forces of nature, in all their might
Whence all at last, I finally reached
My home, sweet home, totally dreanched*

It seemed worth it, for I had won
I had not folded, I had not paid
Well yeah, sure it hadn’t been fun
Through all that slush, to swim and wade

But still I slept, happy as a charm
No care in the world, no set alarm
But as it turned out, I was wrong
The fat lady had not yet finished her song

I woke in the morning, the lark on the wing
The slug on the thorn, but the world not right
For damp was my room, stinky and smellwing*
Not at all the morning bright

And when I say stinky, I mean stinky
Not just any stinky, not your average stinky
This was the sinkiest stinky that ever was stinky
Soo soo stinky that stinky was stinky. Stinky!

And what was it that was stinky?
Not just anything, but my beloved shoes
Nikes they were, but now just stinky
Shoes no more, just stinky stinky juice.

Stinky stinky juice, how I loved thee
When thee were dry, when thee were free
Stinky stinky juice, wilt thou ever be same
As thee were before, free of thy shame?

Today I see thee, as thee wert before
Thy color is the same, thou art dry again
And yet I keep thee, outside the door
Never to be worn, for thy stink is thy stain

Stinky stinky juice, wilt thou ever be same
As thee were before, free of thy shame?


*spelling changed in the interest of rhyme