Narendra Modi Tests Positive for Swine

A recent survey conducted by 'we, the people of India' has led to the startling revelation that one of our foremost politicians is in fact of porcine origins. When a national channel -during its prime-time programme - flashed an sms poll with the innocuous question, 'Do you think Modi is a pig?' , 99.99% of respondents voted 'Yes'. The 0.01% that voted 'No' was later found to be Modi, his team of political advisers and a dog that had stepped on a mobile phone by mistake.

This harmless question which was raised in the interest of the nation went on to fuel questions of greater magnitude. What if? No, thats not it. What if Modi is indeed a little piggy masquerading in human form and not homosapien as previously believed? The sheer magnitude of the question is unimaginable. Indeed, it might just spark a new field of animalo-anthropomorphic research. But that is a question for the future. What has been done now, is a state sponsored genetic profiling of Modi. The results have been conclusive. Now, it is not the way of this reporter to directly refer to a stalwart in Indian politics in derogatory terms. However, the truth has to be said. One way or another. One chooses then, to express the facts in euphemistic terms: if one were to cook Modi for breakfast, one would be eating bacon. The implications are sufficiently clear.

For further proof, noted astrologer Dr. Kuttappan Namboodiri was contacted. According to him, though some creatures appear to be human in form, they are in actuality animal incarnations. For instance, if one observes an individual who is overtly given to barking out orders (does the word 'boss' ring a bell?) he / she is most likely involved in a canine birth. Through the practice of good karma, this human-dog may just be able to achieve a truly human birth in the next life. Amen!

So, how does Kuttappan prove the porkiness of Modi? "Simple", he says. "Just take a look at that face"



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It is surprising indeed that these creatures have been living among us for long. Who knows who one can trust now. Is my neighbour a T-Rex? A Blue Whale? A Praying Mantis? There is no way of being sure. Several ethical question are also raised. Do the same rules that apply to humans hold for these psuedo-humans too? Can I be held responsible for shooting my annoying colleague who I am sure is a parakeet? I sure hope not.

Anyhow, the next time you send out for pizza, ask them to hold the pepperoni. You may just want to go for the Modi. Oink!