Banana Hits South Indian State : Zero Dead

In a shocking development, this reporter has uncovered a plot to turn certain South Indian states into fruit salad. The incident occured at about 8.30 am, Monday morning. Kuttappan, a farmer and part time coconut tree climber, was relaxing atop his favorite tree when things took a turn for the worse. The skies darkened and storm clouds gathered. Kuttappan braced himself for the rain. It never came. Instead, a whilrling vortex of air materialized in the atmoshphere and out shot a projectile at incredible velocity.

It was not till he realized that it was headed for his hut that Kuttappan exploded off the tree and raced thither. By the time he reached his humble abode, it was in shambles. This, he says, was his wive's doing and not the missile's. Apparently, the missile had impacted with a cow in the backyard, hurtling it into outer space. Though unconfirmed, the animal is currently orbiting in a geo stationary plane.

Kuttappan panicked and called in the experts. Dr. Manikandan Nair, acclaimed scientist and resident genius, was the first on the scene. Upon close ispection, Nair ascertained that the UFO was a banana. This uncanny deductive ability, he attributes to his long experience with fruit. He said, and we quote, 'Pazham kanda namukke arinjoodae. Hah' (I isolated the gene and completed a DNA analysis. Without doubt, this a herbaceous plant of the genus, Musa)

In a separate incident, an apple is known to have exploded into the conference room of a popular IT company. This was found to be especially shocking since apples aren't naitve to the area. The previous day, a jackfruit had landed in the lobby and had been accepted as perfectly natural. When contacted and asked what measures were being taken to deal with this invasion, Nair remarked ' We're making custard and jelly. After all, what good is a fruit salad without accompaniments'. This, we find to be entirely ridiculous. Everyone knows that fruit salad goes with ice cream.